Broken foot, bus crashes, and burnt out expectations

For many in life there are things that lift us up and things that bring us down. For myself, many of life "circumstances" don't affect these pendulum swings for me all that much. It's not the circumstances but rather the maintained mentality throughout them that affects whether or not Im up or down. One may run the argument of saying that there is always a cause and effect relationship that exist between the two, therefore the circumstances must in turn effect the mentality. I would agree, but also disagree with this often sought after conclusion due to the fact that the cause on the effect is not the circumstances themselves, but rather a state of ones heart. "For out of the heart(cause) come (effects) evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander."... "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." If this is true, then it is the state of my heart that affects my mentality, which in turn affects the pendulum swing.... So to run this further one must ask the question " What is the cause that effects the hearts condition or affections? Could that then also be diverted to circumstances?... The answer is simple, but complex and we could run down the rabbit hole all day long with enlightenment ideas and philosophical conclusions. However at the end of the day, everything must come from something, and I believe that the something is God.(1 Cor 11:12) So does this means that the broken foot I acquired 3 weeks ago, (which has stopped me[with a cast you cannot swim] from rehabbing my shoulder that was torn to smithereens when I was hit by a car 8 months ago) along with another bus crash that threw me 8 feet plus in the bus, and the feelings of being burnt out already, all came from the Lord. Oh but these are just circumstances, not the affections guiding the heart. See I'm not sure if the circumstances came directly from God, but He did allow them to happen...What does this mean? What am I to do with this? Do I let this stop me? Does it affect my heart enough to affect my mentality, that in turn changes my behavior and mood? No, it is not the circumstances that are the cause here, but rather the Lord is the cause of my affections of my heart, out of which everything else, even affections back to Him flow. If this is all about affections, and our affections drive our joy in life, then why is the source of my affections causing my heart to fail, causing my affections even for Him to wane? Most would say that we are to blame and that no evil comes from God and He is not to blame... With this theological thought I agree, no evil comes from God, it is a result of our sin and our rebellion and the fall. But I still believe that the Lord is the cause behind my heart affections, and right now He is causing them to be almost non-existent. Wait you say... God cannot impose on your will, or you can't blame God for your circumstances, let alone the condition of your heart. Well Yes I can, and Im bold enough and theologically accurate as to say why... It's not the things that happen, but who allowed them to happen and why that has affected my heart to begin with. I would say that He has allowed all this to happen, according to His purposes and plans for His glory, not mine, so that He would be seen as worthy. Am I to understand it fully, by no means. For I'm sure right now that I see the stained glass window to closely to see the beautiful masterpiece that is really in front of me. Although I do not enjoy suffering, or the depressive state that it causes in the heart and mind, I trust that this is a refining moment that will forge me stronger and closer to Christ, even if I don't feel this is the case... I blame God, because it is true, He is working on my heart, and He is the cause behind it all... I "blame" or point the finger in the right direction, because I understand where its coming from and what its truly for. HIM AND HIS GLORY...not me and my happiness. I embrace this truth because God does not promise us a better life now, but a better solution to life, HIM. I embrace the suffering and tolerate the pain, I embrace the depressive nature, the long nights of mental lies and thoughts, as well as the self imposed false in-sufficientcies that I seek. I embrace them all because I know the promises of The Lord are true, even when I believe the lies. I embrace them because I know He loves me unconditionally and will finish the work He has started in me, even if that means allowing my entire body to become dismantled, and my heart to be so doubtful that it forgets, and my mind to loose itself, only to come back to the source and realize, that He works "all things" for the good of those who love and trust in Him... Even when we do not feel the love, or have the desire to love Him in return, or know He is close... He's there... He is there in the dark night of the soul when all is lost and the only thing to be gained is Him... He is there taking the "blame" because He is the creator of the affections, that will in turn, bring Him praise and glory. This song comes to mind... "His will above all else, my purpose remains, the art of lossing myself and bringing you praise, everlasting your light will shine when all else fades, never ending your glory goes beyond all fame. " . . . Lord let this be the war cry of my life, and restore to me the joy of my salvation and sustain within me a willing spirit...For I know it is not the circumstances in life that affect my heart, but only you...I do not expect one to understand this, even I do not fully at times or even as I write this, but that dosen't mean it is wrong or inaccurate. Reason itself has a limit, and once it hits that wall, it is only faith given to us by God that allows us over the wall to walk in assured hope. This is Faith even in the midst of adversity and trail. This is faith only given to us by the grace of God